RMH: Stupid Idea? (Highway bars)

The "Stupid Idea? (Highway bars)" thread on RMH, got me thinking.....maybe the pushed out, chromed Kuryakin forward controls on my '96 Wide Glide weren't as comfortable as they should be for long hauls? This thread seemed to indicate a potential solution, and not wanting to stand out by being overly attached to my chrome (which never has gotten me home, though it has garnered some admiring glances), I decided to run with the idea....

Yup....here they are...the (in)famous broomstick touring bars!

In the spring, when the winter snows melt, there is a lot of sand left on the road, especially on the corners. This amazing footrest design cleans the corners of any sand, thus preventing unruly spills and bruised egos, as you take the turn. This added benefit is surely worth of a Nobel Prize, non?

Just think how visible you'll be to cagers making unsignaled lefts in front of you?!?!

It's obvious how leaning in the curves will clear your path!

Another amazing benefit is that cagers will see you so much more clearly with the wider stance. Obviously, you should colour-match your brooms to your ride, but blaze orange bristles and flourescent yellow handles will make you that much more visible to the morons making left turns. Just think....no more "But Officer, I didn't see him!". That probably deserves a Pulitzer along with the Nobel prize!

Check out the awesome mounting job on the left side!

The right side is equally stunning!

Now for a while I thought I should run to the local Harley Boo-Tique to pick up some of them there chromied zip ties, but then the denizens of RMH might call me a whiney, chromeaholic poseur, so I figured that I would stick to the clear ones. They glow in the dark, so if you mount a black light under your triple tree, that would probably quadroople your cager visibility, not to mention garnder the undying admiration of the squidly crowd.

Now, being an experienced wrench and rider, I felt it inappropriate to just steal this great idea away from the original RMH poster, and thus I thought to myself, engaging all three of my brain cells in the processs, that I should extend the concept even further. Give something back to the community even. And about then it hit me....no, not the idea...it was a branch falling off a tree, but while pondering the noggin' bump, inspiration came calling....

Why just ride sweep when you can mop up too?!?!

This has to be worth the Peace Prize, at least, don't you think? Non-riders are always complaining how scruffy and dirty us bikers are. This way we can point to the ass-end of our steeds and exclaim "But we mop up real good, Bubba!". To be honest, there is a downside. If you pass a MollyMaid service car on the road, they tend to try and catch you and beat you with their feather dusters for trying to steal their business. I suppose every idea has to have one small downside.

Check out the phenomenal rear view.

Can you imagine when some snotty teen on a Hayakawiyamihondaricer comes blasting up your rear, only to get a double eyeful of this stunning setup? You can give them the total brush-off, and mop up their blood and guts after they pass you and slam into the back of the 18-wheeler up ahead. Ya think this would put us in the running for a Congressional Medal or something, don't you?

Check out the impeccable workmanship of the "Mop Mount (tm)"

It also came to mind, mind you, a small thought only so that it would still fit with the glory of this concept rattling about and taking all the room in the old brain bucket, that there are likely one or two sceptics lurking about on RMH, that wouldn't believe that this concept was real. That some pixel-addled fool was on a Photoshop rampage, and it would never work. So....a test ride was in order.

Searching far and wide for volunteers was such an effort. Danamania gave me her best Millenium BOTY sneer, which I took to mean "not on your life, buster". Emailed Bluiz and tried to bribe him with beer, whiskey and slab's 'o meat on the barbie, but no dice. At least I think that is what the hysterical laughter meant. The doberman tucked his tail between his legs and ran howling into his dog house, when I approached him with a doggie helmet, and given the little stub he has for a tail (about the size of some of the male appendages that get regularly wagged about on RMH in fact), that was a feat in itself. Even the cat hissed and scratched me when I tried to put him on the saddle. I even tried contacting the Sphincter group, but the assholes clenched shut so fast and tight, you could hear the vacuum intake and were to chicken to try it. So there was nothing for it...all wimps....I had to saddle up and do 'er myself, and with the obligatory cry of "Hey Bubba, watch this! , off I went...

Hey Bubba, watch this!

Now doesn't that look comfie?

Note how the angle of the dangle matches the kickstand and the new footrests!

After a quick 17,000 miles to fully work out the bugs and test the feasibility of this earth-shattering, ground-sweeping concept, the conclusion was inescapable, the original poster is deserving of the greatest award of them all: The Darwin Award!

You're A F*cking Idiot....

Get Off My Planet!!!