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Subject: Andrzej Sighting in California
Date: Tue, 7 May 1996 09:10:35 -0700
From: "Will Lee" bwlee@slip.net
There was an Andrzej sighting in Pesadero,
off of Highway One yesterday. He was riding between a Red Classic and
a Green/Black Road King!
And then, he was sighted in the evening on
Columbus Street at Calzones, second home and hangout of Capt'n Xaos!
From Tuesday evening until Friday, Andrzej
will be staying at the Weston Hotel on Great America Parkway in Santa
Clara. He's here to lent technical assistance for a software convention
at the Santa Clara Convention Center.
Afterwards, he will be back in San Francisco for the weekend.
Date: Wed, 8 May 96 02:08:04 PDT
X-Sender: marchant@pop.linex.com
Subject: **WARNING** Andrzej spotted
From: Jon Marchant
***WARNING**
A person reliably reported to be notorious
international biker-net scum Andrzej Jan Taramina was sighted lurking
around Rehab Resort in Marin County (on the nice side of the Golden Gate).
He was sighted in the company of a large, bearded (or largely bearded)
dangerous-looking individual in black leather, who answers to "Redbeard"
or "John". The pair seems to have eluded an extensive police
dragnet.
They were last spotted Tuesday morning, headed
in the direction of the Northern California coast and the Napa-Sonoma
wine country. They allegedly extorted food and drink from an innocent
local invalid and his girlfriend. They forced these victims to give them
directions to an isolated part of the area with minimal police protection.
The male victim, who asked to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying "It
was horrible. We saw things no human should be forced to view. We heard
things that would make a Senator blush. What we experienced would make
the Pope take up mopery. These are not human beings. Someday, somehow,
I will get even with them for what they did to us." The female victim
was unable to talk to this reporter, as she was in a swoon from the experience.
Taramina was reportedly riding a Japanese two
wheeled conveyance of some sort, while his henchman (possibly a hostage)
was on a red Electra-Glide Classic. They are reported to be affiliated
with an international motorcycle gang. There may be a large group of them
gathering at an undisclosed San Francisco location Tuesday evening. Do
not approach this group. They are extremely dangerous.
The FBI has announced that no attempt will
be made to apprehend Taramina. It is hoped that he will voluntarily flee
across the border within a few days, saving the authorities the danger
and expense of persecuting such a notorious individual.
Taramina is described as a very pale, almost
ashen individual of undetermined age. He is approximately seven feet tall
and weighs 400 lbs. He has a large Harley-Davidson logo tattooed on his
face. He wears gold rings in both nostrils, both lips, his eyelids, eyebrows,
tongue and cheeks. His only tooth is gold with a zircon inset. He wears
a necklace that appears to be made of human body parts with tooth-marks
on them. He regularly wears black leather clothing. There has been no
confirmation of the recurrent rumors regarding the origin of these skins.
he has a unique pungency, and can often be recognized by odor before he
appears over the horizon. His conversation consists of grunts, vulgarisms,
threats, and bodily noises. He eats only living food, and never drinks
anything weaker than gin. In other words, he cannot be distinguished from
any average Harley rider.
If you sight Taramina or the mysterious person
traveling with him, do not approach or try to apprehend them. Run. Immediately.
Do not wait to see what they will do. Do not talk to them. Hide the women-folk,
children, livestock and pets. Scream if it makes you feel better. Call
the proper authorities immediately.
This will be your only warning.
Jon Marchant
Mount Tamalpais, Alsa California
'91FLHS
-----------------------------
Organization: College of Veterinary Medicine
Date: Wed, 8 May 1996 12:48:59 EDT
Subject: The handsome devil....
From: "Dana L. Morris"
***WARNING**
> Taramina wears gold rings in both nostrils, both lips,
> his eyelids, eyebrows, tongue and cheeks.
I'm NOT telling which cheeks.... =8^D
> His
> only tooth is gold with a zircon inset.
HEY! He told me it was real!!!
> He eats only living food,
I ain't tellin'....
> and never drinks anything weaker than
gin. In other
> words, he cannot be distinguished from any average Harley rider.
That's my man!
Danamania
(heavy editing due to the AI booting me in
the butt for the first version!)
------------------------------
Date: 08 May 96 15:11:11 EDT
Subject: Alleged Taramina Sighting
From: John & Con Herrell <73664.2733@compuserve.com>
The following statement was provided by Johnnie
my-client-is-innocent-and-besides-you-can't-prove-it Cochran.
Any alleged sighting of Andrzej Jan Taramina
is highly exaggerated. Besides, several members of the local FogPiggie
Crochet and Embroidery Society and Poolside Klatch (CESPool) can attest
that there are any number of people in the area, and even in the Society
itself, who look more like Taramina than Taramina himself does. (And besides,
has anyone even proven his existence?)
Further, any reports that these 2 fine upstanding
individuals were seen in the Napa Valley are entirely without merit. And,
again, there are any number of individuals with the same DNA as that found
at the Napa Valley Cafe. In fact, fully 86.5% of the people of this country,
and nearly all of the sheep and goats, have exactly this DNA. And, it
certainly could not have been my clients who were allegedly spotted eating
creme broule and sipping Chardonnay. Hell, they can't even SPELL creme
broule.
As for the alleged henchman, he is clearly
the most harmless of victims. Of Taramina? Perhaps. Of the Marin gimp?
Absolutely.
And lest these supposed *innocents* previously
quoted have designs on further character ass-ass-inations, my clients
have stated the following: "We know where you live. And remember,
you can't hide. Hell, you can't even run." Oh, um, er, no, they didn't
say that, and if they had said it, it was just a joke and in fact they
don't know what it means.
------------------------------
Innocent Victims United Against Unjust Accusations
Organization: College of Veterinary Medicine
Date: Thu, 9 May 1996 14:01:31 EDT
Subject: Being man-handled
From: "Dana L. Morris"
Thanks for the info Will. As long as Andrzej
isn't being "Boom Boom" handled I'm happy! Y'all keep an eye
on him for me....
Dana
------------------------------
X-Sender: bwlee@mail.slip.net
Subject: Another Andrezj Sighting
Date: Wed, 8 May 1996 14:44:12 -0700
From:
Andrezj was last sighted in the Marin County
and in Novato area yesterday afternoon.
Afterwards, he was spotted outside Dudley Perkins
at 6:40 pm, departing for dinner with 22 Harley riding Fog Hogger's. They
were heading to a nice cozy restaurant on 2nd Street and Harrison Street
for steak and prime rib dinners.
Word on the street is that Andrezj's going
to be staying at the Westin Hotel on Great America Parkway and appearing
at the Santa Clara Convention Center until Friday afternoon for a computer
software trade show. Any person seeking to apprehend "Andrzej Jan
Taramina" for the purpose of hoisting a tall cool beer, should call
the Westin Hotel and leave a message for him!
Andrezj's always willing to hoist a tall cool
beer with fellow Harley riding netterz!
After Friday afternoon, he may be sighted eating
dinner at Kams Restaurant in San Francisco on Balboa and 37th Avenue.
He's been known to appreciate the Gourmet Chicken that's the house specialty.
Word on the street is that Andrezj will be
riding with the Fog Hog chapter for the Stockton HOG Ride to Murphy's
on Saturday am.
There you go. He's not David Letterman, but
he's still a Canadian legend in his own mind.
BTW, Dana! Andrezj's in good hands out here! Between the Fog Hog's, Jon
Marchant and Scotty Lippold, he's being man-handled!
------------------------------
X-Sender: beedub@mail.slip.net
Subject: Andrezj Lost in Santa Clara
Date: Thu, 9 May 1996 19:20:53 -0700
From: Will Lee
>From: "Dana L. Morris"
>Thanks for the info Will. As long as Andrzej
isn't being
>"Boom Boom" handled I'm happy! Y'all keep an eye on him
for me....
>Dana
No problemo! However, me thinks, most of the
credit goes to Redbeard! The other day, the last I saw of Andrezj, he
was riding a Yamaha and a gaining on my rearend on Highway 35! (grin)
BTW, is that reference to Boom Boom, as in
the Holy Sister Boom Boom of the Church of Perpetutate Indulegence fame?
I'm sure Sister Boom Boom would be interested in the likes of that Sporty
Canadian Wide Glide Riding Andrezj!
------------------------------
X-Sender: beedub@slip.net (Unverified)
Subject: Yet Another Andrezj Sighting
Date: Sun, 12 May 1996 09:15:49 -0700
From: Will Lee
Andrezj the Jet Setter from the Great White
North, was sighted in San Francisco at Calzone's Friday afternoon, but
there was no Capt'n Xaos nor Jeff Hicken to be found. Dana's worse nightmare,
Sister Boom Boom was busy at the Washbag and wasn't able to manhandle
Andrezj yet!
Later, that Friday evening, Andrezj was sighted
40 miles south and back in the Silicon Valley, home of the bmf'ers, mingling
with Beckie Fenton, John Willie, Bob Creasy, and company, etc. Word from
the valley has it that JW strokes some mean tune on his guitar. And the
bmf'ers kept Andrezj's head a-buzzing, all nite long until the wee hours
of the morning.
On Saturday am, Andrezj met up with the Golden
Gate Chapter Fog Hoggers for a all day ride to 49'er Country: Calaveras;
Angels Camp and ended up at Murphys. Word has it that Andrezj had a great
time, checking out the Harley's and that healmost went hog-wild cuz, he
pigged out on a West Coast Burger and overdosed drinking an exotic tropical
Hawaii fruit drink in the warm and hot California Sun!
All the while, his frog had landed, ah,...Sister
Boom Boom, with beard and all was sighted cling to Andrejz's love handle's
and riding two-up on the on the Dana-pillion of his sewing machine, rather....bad
ass scoot, seeking recluse for an afternoon delight, and perhaps, a midnite
tryst in the house of Redbeard!
------------------------------
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